"The Secret Love of Matthew Miller"

Matthew stands at an airport. People walk by. He is just getting off the phone.

MATTHEW.
Yes. Yes. Ok. See you in a few minutes.

Matthew hangs up. He puts the phone away. A limo driver with a sign saying "L Oswald" on it stands by him.

MATTHEW.
That's something.

THOMAS.
Pardon? Oh - yes. One of the more bizarre names I've had.

MATTHEW.
Oh?

THOMAS.
Last week I had S. Jackson.

MATTHEW.
Who was it?

THOMAS.
Samuel L Jackson.

MATTHEW.
Oh.

THOMAS.
Thomas.

MATTHEW.
Matthew.

THOMAS.
Matt?

MATTHEW.
Matthew.

THOMAS.
Oh, pardon my error. What do you do Matthew?

MATTHEW.
I teach.

THOMAS.
College?

MATTHEW.
Yes, actually.

THOMAS.
You seem like it. You have a big vocabulary, don't you?

MATTHEW.
I guess - for my level of education. But really, once you're in your doctoral program, all the words are unnecessarily long and complex.

THOMAS.
Ah. Is that what you're doing?

MATTHEW.
I'm getting a doctorate in communication.

Pause.

MATTHEW.
Talking.

Pause.

THOMAS.
I'm just jerking you around.

MATTHEW.
Ah ha. Wave you been a.. driver? For long?

THOMAS.
A bit over ten years.

MATTHEW.
Interesting. What led you to it.

THOMAS.
Teenage pregnancy.

MATTHEW.
Oh... what?

THOMAS.
My wife - then girlfriend - got pregnant. I dropped out of college and - hey do you smell spoiled milk?

They smell.

MATTHEW.
That's rancid - what is that?

THOMAS.
Its burning my nostrils with the angry fire of a thousand hammers of Thor banging the sun.

Pause.

MATTHEW.
I think it's gone.

THOMAS.
Disgusting.

A couple pilots walk by. They're like a water polo team.

THOMAS.
Are people with blue eyes genetically predetermined to become pilots?

MATTHEW.
How do you mean?

THOMAS.
Well, most pilots I see have blue eyes. So, I wonder if it has something to do with genetics. People with blue eyes may tend to have better eye sight, only people with good eyesight can be pilots - so blue eyed people are pilots.

MATTHEW.
So, if paper is wood, wood is apart of a living tree, then paper is alive.

Matthew takes out a piece of paper and rips it in half, screaming.

THOMAS.
Ben Franklin used to run with kites. The Kite Runner is about the Middle East. The Terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center came from the Middle East -

MATTHEW.
Benjamin Franklin destroyed the World Trade Center.

They laugh until if becomes unfunny, if it was every funny to begin with.

THOMAS.
Who are you here to pick up?

MATTHEW.
Her name is Jeannie. She's been away for weeks.

THOMAS.
I bet you miss her.

MATTHEW.
I do.

Pause.

MATTHEW.
Cars run on gasoline. Gas comes from crude oil. Crude oil comes from compressed organic materials. Dinosaurs were organic... Dinosaurs power cars.

They laugh. The lights fade.